Let’s kick off another exciting volume of The Never Rad Miscellany. This time, it’s Halloween.

CONRAD: Hello, everyone. Welcome. Thank you so much for attending this special Halloween presentation of The Never Rad Miscellany.

Before we begin, I would like to thank our patrons on Patreon for helping us to keep this production going from a distance. Thank you to Brittney Garcia, Griffin Berlstein, Jessica Gaddis, Kakos Industries, Nancy Celaya, Patty Karakas, Sethzard, and Alex D, with a pledge of $10.69. Nice.

Also, thanks to our live audience! Go ahead and clap for yourselves!

As many of you already know, this is a live recording, which means we would really like to keep cross chatter, cell phone notifications, and heckling to a minimum. Just to get it out of your system because I know you’re all just bursting out of society’s rules at the seams, I will allow a brief period of heckling.

Right now.

Wait.

There. I hope you feel better. If you haven’t already, please silence your cell phones at this time. Remember to laugh when things are really funny and gasp when things are dramatic, and to clap when things are over. I don’t want you to feel any performance anxiety, so let’s practice right now.

I have just said something hilariously funny.

Wait for laughter.

I have just said something shocking or unsettling.

Wait for gasp.

I have just concluded a piece of audio fiction that was both a work of genius and somehow so specifically important to you personally.

Wait for applause.

I have just said a number with 69 somewhere in it.

Wait for “Nice”.

Remember, if you don’t say “nice” when you hear 69, you could end up in space jail. There is no chance that we will ever regret telling you this.

And next, I have just heard that Orgelthrek, Master of Darkness and Purveyor of Galactic Destruction is on his way to earth, and soon we will all be devoured.

Wait.

Some of you seem confused on that one. The correct answer was either screams of terror, or cheers of delight at becoming one with the great devourer. Let’s try it again. Here comes Orgelthrek, Master of Darkness and Purveyor of Galactic Destruction.

Wait for screams and or cheers.

And next, a horde of wayward Halloween zombies are working their way through the crowd and our only hope for survival is to blend in.

Let me hear your best Zombie impressions, audience members!

Wait. Like a long time.

And finally, the blind ravagers from Nebulon 9-6-9 are here and the only way to avoid their unending violence is to remain completely silent. For about 30 seconds.

Wait 30 seconds.

Okay, I think we got enough room tone.

Thank you so much for participating in those early warmups. We have an outstanding show for you this evening with a distinctively Halloween feel. We’ve got a Halloween episode of Peaceful Digiternia Heights. We’ve got a Halloween episode of A Gentleman About Space. We’ve also got more Halloween Interstitials than you can accurately predict without the use of the program that you found on your seats. At Intermission and after the show if there’s time, we will have merchandise to sell you. Please remember to tip your bartender and be courteous to the rest of the staff.

Let’s get on with the show!