We get it: nobody wants to hear ads. But the Never Rad Miscellany brings you the best products from the best advertisers. Every ad we take helps us keep the podcast running!

(Audribble is not a real product. Do not attempt to purchase Audribble. Audribble is written by Conrad Miszuk, and features the voices of Jamie Haas)

Sound by Conrad Miszuk.

NARRATOR: It’s the goddamned future.

SFX 01: Laser blasts. Dirt scattering.

NARRATOR: Between scavenging the wreckage of what used to be a quaint neighborhood for medicine and canned food and fighting off the hordes of, you know, them, it can be kind of hard to fit in all the reading you would like to do.

SFX 02: Monster groaning sounds. More gunfire.

NARRATOR: Who even has time to read books when you have to pay with blood for every single calorie you consume. That’s why there’s Aud-dribble. It’s a headset connected to a monthly subscription service that will whisper the New York Times’ best seller list to you while you take cover and hide from them. Just because they are around doesn’t mean you can’t stay up to date on all the hottest literature and nonfiction titles.

SFX 03: Fast heartbeat.

NARRATOR: It even has a built in pulse detector that will silence the audio when you’re in full on panic mode. Use coupon code Never7 to get your first month for free. You probably won’t need more than that anyway. Not with them around. We recommend downloading The Secret. It’s one of our favorites.

SFX 04: An explosion.

NARRATOR: It’s the goddamned future. Get an audio book. Aud-dribble. It’s like having a book dripped on your ear.

You never learned to read anyway.

CREDITS: This has been a production of the Never Rad Miscellany. The Never Rad Miscellany is Produced and Directed by Conrad Miszuk. The sound effects are mixed and performed by Cody Hazelle. The credits are read by Matt Braman. The Aud-Dribble interstitial is written by Conrad Miszuk and performed by Jamie Haas, with sound by Conrad Miszuk. If you’re going to be in town, check out NeverRad.com for future show information. Get wonderful benefits by becoming a subscription donor at NeverRad.com/patreon.