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(Catchphrasr is not a real product. Do not attempt to purchase Catchphrasr. Catchphrasr is written by Kitt Keller and features the voice of Matt Braman.)

Transcription:

CATCHPHRASR

ADVERTISER You know how sometimes, it’s hard to know just what to say? How you get caught up in the whole whatever and like, there aren’t good words in your brain? I used to feel that way too, before I found Catchphrasr.

Catchphrasr is a subscription box that takes the hard work out of cultivating a personality by sending you a new catchphrase to add to your personal brand. Their artisanal catchphrases are coined by organic writers raised in cage-free, temperature-controlled bathyspheres, and each one is personally vetted by CEO DJ Evan SexxBrand

If you’ve ever said “WAZZZUP” when answering the phone, you NEED Catchphrasr. Before Catchphrasr, I had to come up with my own banter, and boy, was it embarrassing to bust out lines like “Surely okie-durly” or “Apps-o-lutely—get it? Like apps on your phone?” But now, thanks to Catchphrasr, I get gems like “What up, bromigos?”, “Heavy duty”, “Namebrand,” and “Whaaaaaat?” delivered to my mailbox every week. My friends have definitely noticed my growing vocabulary, and women? Don’t even get me started! They absolutely are.

There are three styles of catchphrase to choose from: James Dean Detached Cool, Life of the Party, and Hilarious Joe. And YOU choose your delivery schedule: catchphrases can be delivered every week, every month, or every quarter.

Take it from me: Catchphrasr is the key to personal branding without the stress of, well, personally branding. Use code “HYPEREMETIC” for a sweet-ass 15% off your first three boxes.

Whaaaaaaaat?

Credits: This has been a production of the Never Rad Miscellany.

The Catchphrasr interstitial is written by Kitt Keller and performed by Matt Braman, with music by Conrad Miszuk and sound by Cody Hazelle.

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